Sitting atop a lily pad....

Hi there everyone. Again, it seems to be that it is a huge gap between this post and my last. I don't understand it! Lol. But anyway. Hi guys. :)

Feeling good at the moment, just broke up for half term (that's the beauty of going to a private school, more holidays!), gonna chill out this week and next, lord knows i need it. The last few weeks at school have been manic. The play is going well, got a rehearsal on Thursday, chamber choir is fantabulous as per usual. And I am singing Ombra Mai Fu at the autumn concert. (For those who don't know its part of Handel's Xerxes, and is beautiful. I am also singing the recite before it as well, which is really fun. :D

What else has been happening? Erm, I am the school council representative for my form, and I am on the school chess team. Yeah, so busy bust busy for me at the mo. As well as this I have to fit in all the copious amounts of homework that seems to come my way at the moment. I have just finished a story for my German class, entitled "Fred der Frosch". It is about Fred the frog who gets turned into a prince. My friend Emily and I had great fun working on it together.

Came out to several more people recently. Slowly but surely more and more people know :D

OH! just spent the weekend in Cornwall, with my family, it was lovely. We stayed in a small holiday park just outside ST. Ives, and mooched on the beach all weekend. It was great, the only downside was that we didn't get round to going to the Tate. I was gutted, there was an exhibition on magic and mysticism, which sounded great!! But we did eat lots of Cornish ice cream and fudge and we lunched on Cornish PASTIES!! I must say, that whilst the Cornish accent does nothing for me, their snacks are pretty darn good!! :D

Also, I'm going out Friday night. I'm quite excited. To be honest, sometimes I am bit of social retard :S Normally not of my doing, but the parties and stuff that people go always seem to clash with something that I have already planned, but going out Friday should be good. Lol, maybe I will have to get some people to come with me to the gay bar we have in the city! :D lol, that would be fun!

Before I go, I would just like to ask, have any bloggers been watching the British Talent competition, the X factor??? Well, I suggest that you do, for have any of you seen the 16 year old Welsh boy, Lloyd Daniels? I have to say that I find him rather attractive, (and just between us, he is pretty much the only reason I watch it now!!) Here, see what you think:

Well, I think he is fit!! :D Hehe,

Love you all a lot, Joey xxx

...deep inside the corners of my mind, I'm attached to you.

Good evening.

Its been one of those weeks. I dunno, I just have been feeling a bit crappy lately. I have a bad head cold, which I can't shift, I have tried everything, but I can't get rid of my constant headache and blocked nose. Not good.
One of my Art teachers has really been getting on my nerves recently as well. I dunno why, she is a nice person, but doesn't understand me, and her teaching methods clearly reflect this. She won't let me experiment with different media. But such is life, so we must keep going. I had a bit of a go at her on Monday, she seemed a bit shocked. OOPS. oh well, I saw her today and she was like,

"Mellowed yet?"
"Just about," I said, and she laughed. I don't think that there will be any lasting damage. But it was annoying because she annoyed me and put me in a bad mood for the rest of the day. You know when you are in a bad mood and then everything seems to be against you? Yeah that's what the last few days have been like. I think that I am just being a moody teenager. Although I must say, that I am not really that moody at all, I just feel slightly depressed that's all. But I will soldier on, and get through it!

However, it is not all doom and gloom, I am going to London on Saturday. The rest of my subjects, that I'm taking this year are going really well, I am especially enjoying Philosophy. Toady we were looking at Hume's criticisms of William Paley's Teleological argument. It was brilliant. In latin we are translating Book VIII of Ovid's Metamorphoses, well the first 400 lines at least. And we read the Town and the Country mouse, the original poem by Horace. Really interesting stuff. German is ticking along nicely, bit by little bit.

School in general is actually really good, I like being a Sixth Former, I feel as though I have some power, certainly as a school prefect!

But, to come back to my earlier point. I really want a boyfriend! I know I have been saying that for months, but it hasn't changed. My bestest friend has got a new girlfriend recently, and I must say that I am really jealous of her. The way he looks at her, I wish he looked at me like that. I know he never would, but I still dream.
There is a rather yummy new boy this year, he has one of the nicest bottoms I have ever seen. He seems really superficial, and apparently is quite rude. But he really is HOT. He plays rugby and when I am waiting to be picked up after school, I sometimes see them train, and he always wears one of those skin tight skin things, that keep you warm, but unlike the others he doesn't have a rugby shirt over the top, so you can see the contours of his torso perfectly. He is dreamy. Hehe, I caught myself staring and I distinctly remember thinking:
"Come on! Get a Grip! Like he is going to be gay!"
I know that he could be, but I have almost given up on ever finding someone. Maybe one day someone will come along. But at the moment I do feel quite alone. My family of course are always there, but it is a different sort of loneliness, it is a companionship that I long for. I could, and I know for a fact that I could, go out tomorrow and pick up at least 5 girls. There are several who have fancied me for ages. But obviously I don't want them, not because they are unattractive, but because I need a boy to cuddle!!!! I know I probably sound like I am moaning about trivial things, but I dunno, they seem to be the things that are getting to me at the moment. Especially this thing about not having someone. I have tried to tell about 5 different people, that I am gay, but I just cant say it. Again my voice gets stuck and then the opportunity seems to pass. Maybe if I did come out, I would stand a better chance of finding someone. Ugh. I don't know what I should do anymore. Again, I want to tell people but I cant physically do it. Why am I such a pussy??

Anyway, recently I have been listening to Ryan Cabrera, a brilliant musician, and the song that I find most poignant at the moment is TRUE, the lyrics sum up my feelings at the moment:

I won't talk

I won't breathe

I won't move til you finally see

that you belong with me

you might think

that I don't look

but deep inside the corners of my mind

I'm attached to you

I'm weak

It's true

'cuz I'm afraid to know the answer

do you want me too?

'cuz my heart keeps falling faster

I've waited all my life to cross this line

to the only thing that's true

so I will not hide

It's time to try

all my life I've waited

this is true.

You don't know

what you do

every time you walk into the room

I'm afraid to move

I'm weak

It's true

I'm just scared to know the ending

do you see me too?

do you even know you met me?

I've waited all my life.....this is true.

So yeah. That about sums up my feelings at the moment. Bit here and there. But that's how I feel.

Much love,

A very sleepy and emotionally tired Joey xx

I want to melt every time I look in those deep, dark eyes...

SO YUMMY

BRACESSS!!!! CUTE :):):)

I love this pout :)

NICE tummy

I decided that I haven't really posted any pictures for a while. I was just browsing my pictures, and came across a little secret folder I made a few months ago. It was hiding amongst some pictures of Van Gogh, i have on my PC. Well here are some of them that I found.

I like them.

(This post is very centered!) Interesting.

Love

You

All

x

The boy of my dreams...shame he was French!!

Well, I can't neglect my duty in telling you about the French Boy who made my holiday! He was, on looks alone one of the most perfect boys I have ever seen. I can't believe that I will probably never see him again. I may come down to the same part of France, but our paths will probably not cross again.

**sigh**

He was our waiter in one of the restaurants we ate in. He must have been around 16, maybe 17. Tallish, and very slim although I think he had a "swimmers" body, slim and toned. That's what I imagine anyway! :)

But MY GOD!!!

It was not the food I was drooling over, but him! I think I ordered pasta, and it tasted all the better as it was brought by him. Here was a feast not for my stomach but for my eyes! So, he was tall and trim and had dark hair. Cut fairly short, although not overly. And (in my opinion as all great hair does) it flopped gently over his forehead, in the cutest way, to the left I think it was. He had the most livid green eyes. Emerald eyes. They complemented his tanned complexion and dark hair perfectly. And those eyelashes! They looked as though they belonged on the pages of vogue, not on a French teenage boy!

Ahh! Just thinking about him, makes me go weak at the knees (good thing I'm in bed!). The fact that he was our waiter meant that I talked to him, albeit briefly and in very limited French. But I smiled at him at lot and he returned it. I asked him how he was when I first saw him. Very good he replied, in a baritone voice that sounded silky smooth!

And his smile! WOWZA! It was incredible, pearly whites enveloped in luscious red lips, that I longed to be able to kiss. His whole face lit up with that smile and he was just beautiful.

But the best thing that happened with regard to this beautiful boy, was that every time he took a plate or a glass from the people sitting on the opposite side of the table (as we were next to a wall), he had to reach over me, and I was in HEAVEN! I could smell his aftershave he was that close!

As he picked up one glass, he looked right at me and smiled. I could have melted right on the spot, there and then and been happy. Then he bustled off, glass in hand and left me staring after him like some love sick puppy!!

The final incident, was completely accidental. He was walking past me and I was talking about something and waved my arms in some over-exaggerated gesture and I lightly bashed his bum with my hand! OOPSS!! I apologised at once, although inside I was going:

YAYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I had lots of time to check him out all over, and I have dreamed about what lay under that slim fitting black t-shirt. I can only imagine!

Who, knows maybe our paths will cross one day, it is very unlikely but who knows. I hope they do, because he really was the perfect boy for me!

Well, there you have it.

Love

Joey xxxx

Je voudrais un garçon s'il vous plaît

Bonjour!!

Long time no write. Sorry bout that, had writers block for the past couple of weeks. Can't think of what to post or what to write in general :/ think I am getting over it. I think I just needed to let my brain chill for a while ya know!?

Hi my little chickens! How are we all doing? Things are hit and miss this end, as well as having writers block, I have also been rather ill recently. Been prescribed Phenoxymethylpenicillin (or Penicillin V) what ever that does :) and it tastes foul!! I know that antibiotics are not supposed to taste nice, but surely they could produce a strawberry flavour or something...jeesh! hehe, anywho.

I'm getting ready to go on a holiday for a while as well, for a month in fact. To Sunny France!! So, this may be my last post for AGESSS....I will try to communicate some how, there must be Internet cafes or something. But yeah...so what I am trying to say is sorry bout the length between posts at the moment.

Been reading a lot recently. Haven't had to worry about GCSE's or moving house. I have been drawn to Iain M Banks at the moment. His style I find to be very flowing and I like the way that his work manages to incorporate more philosophical questions into it. Also, there are certainly element of astrophysics in his work. There are subtle hints about antimatter and, I may be reading too much into it, but I am sure that there was a couple of references to the intriguing phenomenon of dark energy. Exciting no?! :P
His novels are really exciting, so I thought I would share that with you all :)

I am getting ready for this trip and I had to sort out all my clothes. It was a nightmare. I couldn't remember what house they were all at. It took me ages to get it all together. (bit random that bit of info really)

Who knows, I may be able to bag myself a nice yummy french boy! Who knows, I will have to work on my French:

Voulez-Vous coucher avec moi ce soir??

You know, all the useful day-to-day phrases that any 16 year old boy may need to know! French boys are nice though. I do like the accent, although unless I find an bilingual Frenchy there may be a lot of gesturing and hand actions! hehe.

Anyway I think I better stop before I get too carried away with my fantasies!

Avec toute mon affection,

J xxxx