Agnosticism and Cynicism, an explanation into my Beliefs

Good morning everyone. It's just past 9 o'clock here, on a cloudy Sunday morning. I'm sitting at my dining room table, listening to some music, and I have been watching the old grannies and grandads, walking to the small church that's near my house. So, I thought I would talk about religion for a while.

Firstly, my father and my step-mother are completely 100% theist, (Christian orientated!), and when I was younger, they took me to their church every Sunday, which was an Evangelical church. It was very "happy-clappy", with lots of "Hallelujah!!" and "Praise Jesus!!" and all the rest of it. That didn't really gel with me. Yes, the music is very good music. -- I particularly liked the guitar parts, which were a mix of soft rock and folk.

However, I have been baptised and confirmed a Christian, but in the last few years, as I have learned more of the theoretical side of the major religions, I have come to the conclusion that maybe traditional Christianity does not answer all my questions, and neither does any other single organised religion.

I think that because my father and step-mother threw me in the deep end of organised religion so to speak, as they "found God", I sort of have a bit of a bad experience as I think that I just wasn't ready to live the life that the Pastor preached and that pressure has darkened my view of Christianity somewhat. I've established that this is the root of my cynicism. I certainly look down my nose sometimes at religion, and sometimes it is simply a cold academic subject for me. But that is too harsh. I do believe in something!

I find that all the major religions have elements within them, that I agree with, the morals of Christianity and Buddhism particularly. But then some of Judaism makes sense to me too. Therefore I must declare that whilst I believe in something, nothing within any religion I have come across has answered everything and therefore I cannot call myself a theist, as I cannot say that I intrinsically believe in a singe god. Well, that rules out any monotheist based religions -- Christianity, Judaism, Islam. But similarly I cannot comprehend the Hindu faith with its hundreds of Gods, a Polytheist religion.

But at the same time, I don't believe that there is simply a void, a nothingness within the celestial planes. Therefore I cannot call myself an atheist, as I do believe in something. If I cannot call myself either a Theist or an Atheist then I must be an agnostic.

(quick little note -- The "a" prefix before a word, making it negative, is of Greek origin. Where an alpha was used as a negative. Therefore Agnosticism, is simply a-gnosticism, and gnosticism derives from the Greek verb gignosko meaning to know, realise or understand. So Agnosticism is simply un-knowing or un-understanding.)

Now, we have established, that I am in fact an Agnostic. I would like to define what sort of agnostic I am. Through research I have established that I am an Apathetic, or Pragmatic Agnostic. This is because as I said, the religions I have studied have not answered my questions, and like many before me, my questions focus on the bad things in the world. Suffering, how can a God allow these things to happen. The arguments, arguing either to prove an existence of God or disprove it, seem to focus around this point. Suffering.

Holocaust theology has shown me many arguments for disproving the existence of God, but it is has also thrown up some theories that seem entirely plausible, such as free will. I won't go into to too much detail, if you wish to read further, here is a link:

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Holocaust_theology

In conclusion, the beliefs that I hold, cannot be categorised into a single faith. I suppose in a way my mind holds a strange amalgamation of beliefs. So, maybe I will have to post a post that tries to explains what I am trying to explain here!!

I really hope that some of this made sense....I am trying to put into words, something that I believe in, I find it difficult to express all that I want to express without writing thousands and thousands of words. If you have any questions, I shall answer them, but basically this entire post was to establish that I am not really sure what is out there, but if we are indeed modelled on it, then its temperament will probably not be the all loving God of Christianity, but its moods will be like that of the sea, ever changing sometimes calm, yet sometimes vicious and treacherous.

So. Yeah.

Joey xx

Results, Pizza and A Big Smile

Well hello my lovlies! :)

Today has been a fabulous day. It was the dreaded GCSE results day, and I'm sure if you have ever had to wait for really important exam results, you can appreciate how nervous I was. The pressure to succeed and the fear of failure meant that I hardly ate or slept yesterday. I went to bed around 1am, and was awake at 6. So I must say, that I do feel quite tired actually.

But my results were amazing :) I am so proud. I got, as I know you are all bursting to find out:

3 A*s

7 A s

and 2 B s.

I am very happy. The B's were in ICT -- who needs ICT anyway? I can use the Internet, as is evident by my blog, I can type and I can create a spreadsheet. What more can they possibly teach me? So I really didn't care for that subject, so I did no revision at all. I think a B is very acceptable.-- The other was for English Lit, which I bumped up from a C to a B, by resisting a module, which I got an A in. So, overall I wasn't fussed.

But it was my A's in both Latin and Classical Greek, that had me jumping up and down. I worked my stripey little socks off for both of those exams spending hours in revision sessions both in school and at home. I think I put more work in for those than in all my other subjects put together.

My A*'s were in Art and Design (I was expecting that), Religious Studies (no surprise, I came top of the year in the mock examination) and English Language (which I must say was a bit of a surprise, but I suppose my blog is testament to the fact that I can write!!).

So, overall I am an extremely happy chappy.

My lovely family took me out for a celebratory meal, and unbeknown to me had had balloons and banners and a cake prepared. It was absolutely brilliant. We had such fun. I felt really important, which is a real change, as the younger children tend to have all the attention. So, YAY!!

Erm, the only real reason for this post, was to tell you all about my results and stuff. Oh! and I got in to my sixth form, :) Which is such a relief off my shoulders. So, that's about it for now.

Love you all,

Joey xxx

I want to melt every time I look in those deep, dark eyes...

SO YUMMY

BRACESSS!!!! CUTE :):):)

I love this pout :)

NICE tummy

I decided that I haven't really posted any pictures for a while. I was just browsing my pictures, and came across a little secret folder I made a few months ago. It was hiding amongst some pictures of Van Gogh, i have on my PC. Well here are some of them that I found.

I like them.

(This post is very centered!) Interesting.

Love

You

All

x

50 Gay Things About Me You Didn't Know.......Until NOW!!!!

Haha, well a small project I have been working on this week. Thought you might like a bit more of an insight into my mind as a 16 year old poof! I say that with pride! Here are 50 things about me, my straight friends would probably not say that apply to them. Wonder what they would say, as being "camp", if still frowned upon. Not that I am really camp. Actually despite these things, that you will read momentarily I am one of the least camp people you will probably ever meet. I suppose that's how I have been able to hide my true sexuality. So enjoy.

1. I LOVE BOYS!!!1 <-- The most important fact about me I think. (hence why it is number 1!!)

2. I love Musicals

3. I HATE contact sports, but love the showers after

4. I fuss over my hair WAYYY too much

5. I have 3 different brands of moisturiser on my bedside table

6. I love clothes shopping

7. My favourite colour is purple

8. When I was little I once had the the choice of either a baby doll or a toy truck...I'll let you guess which one I
chose!

9. My wallpaper on my PC is Jesse Mccartney (**Actually I've changed it since, I started this post, its now Skandar Keynes =] )

10. I have been known to use the phrase "Fabulous!!"..but only once or twice, and thankfully everyone thought it was a joke.....it wasn't

11. My favourite film is Billy Elliot

12. I love dancing, and used to do ballet :)

13. I have to go to a "stylist" to get my hair cut, a simple men's barber just won't do for me.

14. I HATE football

15. Chavs scare the shit out of me. (I really have an element of the posh snob about me....hehe, I think it is my best feature!! =P )

16. I way more comfortable around girls....I feel as though I can be myself

17. I have a poster of Billy Elliot the Musical on my Wall. (Seen it 3 times!!)

18. I have over 20 pairs of shoes

19. I own 3 Kylie CD's....but what 16 year old boy doesn't?

20. I own a "man-bag", but I prefer to think of it as a satchel

21. When I was little I wanted to be a ballet dancer (not sure if my parents knew....?!?)

22. I despise tracksuits, and will only wear one for sport and then only if I have too.

23. I check my hair in shop windows, I can't help it, it HAS to be done. I think I have a touch of OCD....??

24. My ideal birthday present is tickets to a London West End Show.

25. I always have a bracelet of some kind on. I have 3 friendship bracelets on my left hand, and 2 on my right. The ones on my right are pink and green. On my left, patterned.

26. I have "It's raining men" on my Ipod.

27. My mum told me that she once found me trying on her makeup (I was 5 ok!?!?)

28. I am scared of wasps.

29. I love baking!! :)

30. I am real extrovert.

31. Haha, the only reason that I auditioned for my first school play, (and I got the part!), was because the boy I had a massive crush on "Him" -- If you were wondering who -- was auditioning too.

32. My favourite flower is the rose

33. I am A HOPELESS ROMANTIC

34. I don't really like violence.

35. I value women's opinions (something my straight friends certainly don't seem to do!)

36. I hate it when the guys I know talk about football for AGES. Its soooooo boring

37. I know how to do the YMCA, The Mackerena, Time Warp and Thriller really well!! :)

38. I I am really really chatty. I could gossip for hours.

39. I love watching sad romantic films.

40. I always prefer to buy branded things....they make me feel wealthy! :)

41. The other day one of my friends said, "I could shag that Megan Fox!!", and I said "Who?"

42. If my mum has any of those trashy celeb magazines, I am compelled to read them. Whilst I will never buy one, if they are there, it would be rude not to read them surely??!

43. I love expensive clothes

44. I have been known to plan my outfits weeks in advance -- Granted it was for a party!!.

45. My outfits have to colour-coordinate as well, even down to boxers and socks.

46. I once got caught "peeking" at one of my friends in the changing rooms. -- I quickly made something up about I couldn't find my shoe or something. Thankfully they did not pursue the matter further.

47. I love Hilary Duff as an Actress. I have ALL her films. Oh and all her CD (God I need a life!!)

48. I like sunbathing

49. I love classical music - especially Italian Opera.

50. Like girls, I am way too good at keeping secrets.

There you go. Hope you enjoyed this insight.

Love you all,
Joey xxxx

Hair and Shopping

At the moment, I am sitting at my dining room table, listening to You Me At Six, and singing very loudly.


I dunno what to talk about, but I just wanted to post. SO. Whats new?? Erm, well, I bought some clothes yesterday! Woopeee non? I bought a pair of purple shoes from Topshop...erm a Blue duffel coat and a pair of stripey shorts. I had some money left from my travels in France, so I thought "why not?". I love shopping. There is something supremely satisfying about going into a shop, finding something you like, trying it on, seeing that it looks Great and then buying it. The woman on the till asked me if I was 18 as well! Which was quite good really. So apparently I look 18! Haha, that is probably due to my new hair! Yup, Finally got round to getting the CHOP!

I shall try to describe to you lovely people what my hair now looks like.

Let us use some diagrammatic examples


Joey's Hair BEFORE:

I love having long hair. It makes me stand out from the crowd (certainly at my school). But I have to admit that it was getting a weee bit CRAZY.


AND Joey's Hair now......

I think it looks much better! It actually DOES look like this, so I am a happy bunny. My grandma says I look like a "Handsome Boy". As long as I have the approval of my Grandma, I am pleased. hehe. It is shorter, but suits me more I think...and it will grow! :) :)

Well, tis it for now I think.

Love you all,

J xxx

ps. These pictures are not of me...but the hair styles are as close as I can find to mine :)

The Most Personal One Yet!!!

Well, I find myself at the moment up at 1:23 am, and I can't sleep. I am probably WAYYY too tired, but mehh. I want to BLOGGG.

I am trying to find something to write about. I know, my favourite topic: ME!

What can I tell you that you don't already know?

Hmmm, lets seee some basics again:

Height - 5'11
Weight - 10st
Six pack - a little
Eye colour - bluey grey
Tan - YES
Hair - floppy, swept to the side and light brown

Things You Might Want To Know

Size (You know what I mean) - 6.5
How Often - every other day
Favourite Place To - in the shower
Weirdest Place I Have - in the cinema (hehe, I am naughty!!)
Hair Colour - dark brown
Trimmed? - Yes
Fetishes (sort of) - tummies and hands


Hehe, that's the most information I have given so far. I suppose if you want more, you just have to ask!! ;)

Hehe!!!

Love

J xx

The boy of my dreams...shame he was French!!

Well, I can't neglect my duty in telling you about the French Boy who made my holiday! He was, on looks alone one of the most perfect boys I have ever seen. I can't believe that I will probably never see him again. I may come down to the same part of France, but our paths will probably not cross again.

**sigh**

He was our waiter in one of the restaurants we ate in. He must have been around 16, maybe 17. Tallish, and very slim although I think he had a "swimmers" body, slim and toned. That's what I imagine anyway! :)

But MY GOD!!!

It was not the food I was drooling over, but him! I think I ordered pasta, and it tasted all the better as it was brought by him. Here was a feast not for my stomach but for my eyes! So, he was tall and trim and had dark hair. Cut fairly short, although not overly. And (in my opinion as all great hair does) it flopped gently over his forehead, in the cutest way, to the left I think it was. He had the most livid green eyes. Emerald eyes. They complemented his tanned complexion and dark hair perfectly. And those eyelashes! They looked as though they belonged on the pages of vogue, not on a French teenage boy!

Ahh! Just thinking about him, makes me go weak at the knees (good thing I'm in bed!). The fact that he was our waiter meant that I talked to him, albeit briefly and in very limited French. But I smiled at him at lot and he returned it. I asked him how he was when I first saw him. Very good he replied, in a baritone voice that sounded silky smooth!

And his smile! WOWZA! It was incredible, pearly whites enveloped in luscious red lips, that I longed to be able to kiss. His whole face lit up with that smile and he was just beautiful.

But the best thing that happened with regard to this beautiful boy, was that every time he took a plate or a glass from the people sitting on the opposite side of the table (as we were next to a wall), he had to reach over me, and I was in HEAVEN! I could smell his aftershave he was that close!

As he picked up one glass, he looked right at me and smiled. I could have melted right on the spot, there and then and been happy. Then he bustled off, glass in hand and left me staring after him like some love sick puppy!!

The final incident, was completely accidental. He was walking past me and I was talking about something and waved my arms in some over-exaggerated gesture and I lightly bashed his bum with my hand! OOPSS!! I apologised at once, although inside I was going:

YAYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I had lots of time to check him out all over, and I have dreamed about what lay under that slim fitting black t-shirt. I can only imagine!

Who, knows maybe our paths will cross one day, it is very unlikely but who knows. I hope they do, because he really was the perfect boy for me!

Well, there you have it.

Love

Joey xxxx

My Holiday!!

Well, my little Cherubs! Hello, Bonjour, Salut and all the rest of them. Long time no write on my part.

Well, it wasn't all my fault. I didn't quite realise which part of France we were coming to, and it turned out to be a very southern part of France, down by Avignon. Where we stayed, a small village just outside Nimes, there was no Internet connection at all. To get one would have meant going into Avignon or Nimes, and possibly using the library or something. And as my family still don't know, I didn't think telling them I wanted to blog about all the cute French Boys was a good idea. So unfortunately I wasn't able to blog, for the whole period, but I wrote a few posts and did some bits and bobs, which I can now post all at once and you get lots of things. How lovely for you!!! :)

Well, then! What a holiday I had, it was quite Lovely! The weather on average was above 30'c everyday, which was perfect for lounging about by the pool, with a good book soaking up some much needed rays and chilling out. With all the shit that has been going down recently in my family, some chillaxing time was very much appreciated.

I have a tan!! Hahahahaaaa!!!! Wohhoooooo.
The reason I am so excited is that I never get a tan normally. When I go on holiday, normally one of two things happens, and they are thus:

1] I come back looking just as pasty as I did when we left Britain, I think that is because I am conscious of getting burnt (see reason 2), so I slather myself in sun cream and then don't tan because I am too well protected. Ugh

2] I BURN!!!! I don't know why I am so susceptible to burning. But I am and when I burn, I really burn. It is nasty. Granted it does go brown once I have peeled, which tends to be about 2 weeks after I get back, most inconvenient. And looking like a tomato in front of all my friends is not an appealing thought.

But I TANNED. Haha, so happy bunny am I.

We stayed, as I said in a small village just outside Nimes. It was a nice little town and there was Plenty of Cotes de Rhone wine, which I have a newly found liking for. I don't know if it is a good thing or a bad thing that I now like wine. It may lead down the twisty turny route to alcoholism! Hehe, oh well, I suppose I can now call myself a real teenager (by today's standards at least), as we are compelled to drink some form of Alcohol. :)

So, the town had several lovely little restaurants which we ate in, and we went to loads of different restaurants around and about the region. I certainly ate some new and interesting things. Some of the weirder were:
Taureau - Bull
Calmar- Squid (which was really nice, not rubbery as one might think)
Oh and not weird but UBER tasty - Creme Brulee, which I had no less than 5 times at different restaurants during our stay. The best one came out still on FIREEEEEEEE!! Exciting stuff, although I must say that the waitress looked slightly scared that she would set something else on fire. Funny though, and very tasty.
The weirdest thing? Caviar of Aubergine, served on French toast, it looked like a pile of shit, but tasted unusually nice. I think I must be a bit mad to like it, but hey ho!

We went to the beach on several occasions. I am such a beach person! I love lounging on the sand watching the world go by, and swimming in the sea is so much better than a pool, although having our own pool was mighty fine! We checked out the local stuff as well, and sea-side towns do have the best shops in my opinion.

In the evenings we entertained ourselves with games:
Monopoly
Scrabble
Boggle - Legend game
Cards - mainly Gin Rummy, and occasionally Bastard Brag or Cribbage (Which I despise!)

I read 5 boooks as well whilst I was in France and they were:
Oliver Twist - Charles Dickins
Tess Of The d'Urbervilles - Thomas Hardy
Centre Of My World - Andreas Steinhofel (I recommend it to everyone, who likes a sweet gay story!)
The Raw Shark Texts Steven Hall
The Alchemist - Paulo Coelho

Tres Bon!

What else is there to tell you lovely people? I think that is all the general holiday gossip. I will post more detailed accounts of certain incidences that you may enjoy reading about shortly. And yes, I suppose I should tell you about all those YUMMY French boys that I saw all the time.

Well, check back again very soon.

Oh, and if you have any questions...ask!! :)

Love and kisses,

Joey

xxxx