Well, then. Good evening everyone.
Its 19:12 at the moment, and I am sitting on the sofa with Jack (my cat) and watching some cooking programme with my grandma.
Its been a relatively good day on the whole.
My cousins came over and we had some soup for lunch :]
The reason for this post is I wanted to talk about the people that know I'm gay. Recently I have been wondering whether or not I should come out...properly. I hate all this lying. A few times people have asked me seriously whether I am gay, and I have always denied it. I'm embarrassed, even though I accept it, I am scared what the reaction will be. When I was younger there was this rumour circulating that I was gay and a "boy lover", but that was when I didn't understand the feelings I was having. Obviously other people noticed but I did not!!
But there are some people who do know that I am gay. The first is my dad. (not my Step-dad!!)
He guessed. :/
One day he came into my room, sat on the bed and said,
"Can I ask you something?"
"Yeah," I replied, wondering what could be up.
"Are you gay?" Just like that, blurted it out. I was stunned. What do I do, what should I say. So i panicked, "
"What if I am." Oh shit. That wasn't the right thing to say. So he knows now. Whats he gonna do, I bet he is going to throw me out. I was getting really upset by this point.
"That's cool," he said. I wasn't expecting that at all!! I was expecting a massive shout about how that is not natural etc.. But no. it was Cool apparently.
The next thing on my mind was how. How had he guessed? Well, when I asked him, he said.
"Well, you have never brought a girl home, and you do seem to look at boys more than girls." Pretty simple no? Anyway so that was how my dad found out.
There are also two people at school that know. One of my old friends, (who I do not really talk to anymore). I told her, well it sort of slipped out because she asked me out!! I didn't know what to say, so I said:
"I can't."
"Why not?"
"I don't fancy you," I replied.
"Why not?"
"Your just not my type," - now, is it just me or was that a bit obvious??
"OH!!" There the penny had dropped. "So you are...."
"...yes"
"Oh my God!!"
There you have it, that was her. Now I had told her and she seemed to be accepting also. She did not seem to understand why I am gay. She understands that a man and woman can have a relationship, but two boys..it didn't gel with her very well, at first. Later she understood it more and accepts me now.
So that brings me back onto my first question:
Should I come out?? I dunno. Maybe I will. Maybe I won't.
I have tried a couple of times to tell some people that I trust, but as I go to say it, something stops me, I get butterflies and I just can't do it!! :/
Anyone got any thoughts??
Lots of lovely love,
J xx
Monastery and College 2023
3 months ago
Don't worry about it. You are still pretty young. Besides people end up figuring it out anyway. From the way it sounds it seems many people figured it out.
ReplyDeletehey Joe. glad to have you join in our cool, friendly community! i'm looking forward to reading all about you.
ReplyDeletecouple of things: some dads (not all) are amazing super cool, understanding and accepting. looks like you got one of those! w00t!
i think it was a bit of a leap for her to assume you were gay just coz you said you didn't fancy her, but maybe there was other indications too.
anyways, my latest post is only an hour old, so i'll stick on a ps to plug you. i'm linking to you already.
take care
torchy!
oops, i didn't even answer the question. re coming out - what's the hurry? think about who you feel you ought to be coming out to first, then work out how to tell them.
ReplyDeletebut like i say, don't feel pressured, just do it in your own time. there's no clock on you.
torchy!
Torchy,
ReplyDeleteThanks alot :):)
nice to hear some words of wisdom there!
true, I am still young, I just dont lying to people all the time. :/
anywho...thanks for the support!!!
Love,
J xxxxx :)
At least your dad is cool with it :D
ReplyDeleteMy mom asked me a couple weeks ago, talk about uncomfortable D:
I agree with torchy, there's no rush :)
Although I also agree with you, I hate the idea of deceiving everyone.
I decided that I wouldn't go out of my way to tell anyone, but I wouldn't lie if they came up to me and asked.
hugs
A difficult question and ultimatel one that only you can answer, but when I was your age I'd had sex with a number of my school friends and always said to them that I wasn't gay (even though I new I was). Ok, they said the same, but I don't think any of them are gay. Haha!
ReplyDeleteI wish I had come-out when I was at school, or at the very latest when I started work. I was never asked if I was gay again until I was in my thirties, and I just said yes. My family and friends had long suspected I was gay but thought I'd tell them when I was ready.
I wasted a lot of time waiting to be asked! I guess it's easier just to say "Yes, I am!" to a question than it is to go through the old "Umm, can I talk to you? There's something I need to tell you" routine. Lol!
After all that rambling; If you're comfortable telling only particular people, then do that! But, only when you're ready.
Sorry about the story etc; I get carried away sometimes. Haha!
Take care,
Col
Ps. Sounds like you have a great dad. And, thanks for linking back. You'll be plugged tomorrow :)
People gossip. People notice. You will probably be out soon anyway, so it would be better if your friends heard it from you first.
ReplyDeleteIt sounds like people at school will be OK with it, not too much fear and loathing?
I'd say at this point don't force yourself to tell anybody. But if they ask and you're comfortable telling them, you might as well.
ReplyDeleteIMO people nowadays don't appreciate the right of privacy as well as they should. Nobody is entitled to know your orientation unless you're asking them to marry you, or something where it is equally relevant. And I suppose parents have some right to know about their children. But apart from that, it should be entirely up to you as to who is told and who isn't. But life doesn't always work as it should. People guess; and when people ask, you may not have an effective evasion handy. But no need to force it or tell the whole world.
Joe
ReplyDeleteno rush indeed tell eh -people you want and no onw else
take care and be safe
bob
This comment has been removed by the author.
ReplyDeleteCome out when you feel ready, when it feels right for you. You're ahead of the curve by already having accepted/acknowledged and become (mostly ? ) comfortable with your sexuality. You've got the option to be mostly pre-emptive, which might allow you to avoid some awkward situations (in the sense of "being outed") - it will still be awkward "coming out", but you've already had some positive results.
ReplyDelete