Liebesfrühling...

Recently, I have been really interested in German Romanticism, and as part of my German A Level course, I have done some extra work at home comprising of some translation of German poetry. Here is my favourite. The translation was all my own work, and the poem itself was written by the German Poet: Friedrick Rückert.

Enjoy.

Original German:

Du meine Seele, du mein Herz,

Du meine Wonne, du mein Schmerz,

Du meine Welt, in der ich lebe,

Mein Himmel du, darein ich schwebe.

O du mein Grab, in das hinab,

Ich ewig meinem Kummer gab!

Du bist die Ruh, du bist der Frieden,

Du bist der Himmel mir beschieden.

Daß du mich liebst, macht mich mir Wert,

Dein Blick hat mich vor mich verklärt,

Du hebst mich liebend über mich,

Mein guter Geist, mein beßres ich!

Poetic Transaltion....by me :)

You are my soul, my heart,

You are my bliss, my painful dart,

You are the world in which I abide,

You are the heaven through which I glide,

O you are my grave, which lies below,

To this I relinquish my eternal woe!

You are the rest, the harmony,

You are like the humble sky to me.

It is your love that gives me grace,

Your glance transforms me, gives me face.

With your love you lift me on high,
You are my good spirit, my better I.

There I hope you enjoyed it as much as I did translating it. I think it is a lovely poem. I think that when you read it, it will make you think of someone you love or have a bit of a crush on ;P hehe.

Yeah, thats about it for the mo. :D
Love you all a lot,

Joey xx

Alexander part 4 (ii)

This part of the story marks the start of the blossoming relationship between the two, and is the moment when Josh finally realises what has been staring him in the face all day.

***

It was so obvious now that I thought about it. All the times he had asked about the guys in my class, showing no interest in the girls. Those sneaky glances throughout Chemistry at me and my more delicate areas. These glances I had completely dismissed, but now that I thought about them, they seemed to leap out from my mind and materialise themselves before my very eyes.

"So, what have you got in your sandwiches?" He asked, trying to change the subject as it was about to wander into realms that he did not want to enter.

Did I have feelings for him too? Was that why all those things had been happening to me all day? It would certainly explain why I couldn't stop thinking about him. I wasn't able to concentrate in any of the lessons. I sat there like a lemon, looking at his face in my minds eye, or sometimes actually physically staring at him. When he noticed this in Chemistry, I was so transfixed by his hair that I was about to pour the chemical solution all over myself. He had just smiled and said, "Careful Josh, you might spill that."

"Anyone home?" he asked me, and I realised that I had again ignored is questions concerning my sandwiches. He knocked on my head in a joking sort of manner that usually accompanies such phrases. But as he did so, I suddenly grabbed his hand as it touched my head. He jumped, but my hand had already slid into his. This, I must say was completely involuntary. Then, when I realised what had happened, I found myself, fingers interwoven with the new boy under a tree in the golden sunshine. It seemed as though I was in a dream. My brain was still giving me weird convoluted signals. One said remove your hand at once, as you are both boys. But another, stronger voice was telling me of perfection.

"Err, Josh?"

"Yes?"

"What are you doing?"

"I don't really know." I said. I didn't know what was happening.

We sat like that for a moment or two, then I turned and looked right into his deep brown eyes, and then for the first time in my life, everything felt right.

"Alex."

"Josh?"

Suddenly, I had the most clear and powerful urge I have ever felt. I knew what I had to do, it was as though all the light of heaven was dancing upon his delicate face. I brought my other hand up to his face slowly, and stroked his cheek. It was soft and smooth. He blushed.

"Josh, what are you doing?" I brought my finger to his lips.

"Shhh," I said. Then I did something that I never, even in my wildest dreams, thought I would do, but it was though I was being controlled by some higher being. I slowly brought my head towards his. My heart beat a thousand times a second and I felt butterflies swooping and swarming in my stomach. Closer and closer our lips became until, my lips suddenly and softly touched Alexander's. Electricity seemed to dance between our entwined lips. I felt as though I were floating, suspended in a sea of ecstasy and light. Our kiss lasted but a moment, but it was tender and light.

When I brought my lips away from Alexander's, he looked as though all his birthdays and Christmases had come all at once. He threw his arms around my neck, and I buried my face in the crook of his slender shoulder.

"Oh Josh," he sighed. " I never thought I would ever meet someone like you."

As we sat there wrapped in each others arms, I finally gave in to the voice that had been calling me all day. It was the voice of my heart and I let it sing. Some people say that love comes through years of working on a relationship, but the love that I felt for Alexander wasn't that sort of love, it was a deep powerfully emotive love, that surfaced almost immediately. Love at first sight is the only way I can explain it. Even though I had only known Alexander for but a few hours, I felt as though I had been searching my entire life to find him. It felt so right to touch him, to kiss him. How could I possibly ever let him go?

"I don't really understand what is happening. But I know that I don't ever want to be away from you," I whispered into his ear.

"Does it matter, I have finally found the boy I have been searching for. Oh Josh!" He said, and kissed my cheek. I pulled back and looked into his deep chestnut eyes and felt all my problems melt away, like twigs blown in a breeze.

***

Well guys, there you go. Tube (or TUNE in -- thanks Rowan for spotting that one!) in for the next installment, which you may like to here, gets much more exciting!

Lots of love,

Joey xxx

Alexander part 4 (i)

Well, guys, sorry about the wait but here is the next bit of Alexander. As I have said before, I am trying to establish the characters, and then you can enjoy the more exciting bits....if you catch my drift!

***

The lunch bell sounded. A conical flask filled with some viscous purple liquid effervesced loudly on the bench in front of me. I picked it up and poured its bubbling contents down the sink. I placed the now empty flask at the front of the lab and walked back to my bench. Alexander was already packed and ready. His bag, slung over his slender shoulders was full with homework and text books. My work was still sprawled on the desk. I began to pack it away.

"What do you normally do for lunch?" He asked.

"Well," I said, stuffing chemistry textbooks into my satchel. "It depends on what you feel like. I normally sit with Charlie and occasionally a few other people, and we just chat and eat. Have you got a packed lunch?"

"Yes, I think so. Mum gave me one this morning," he said, checking his bag. He nodded, obviously assured that he had something to eat.

"We can do what ever you want, your the new one, your choice. What do you think?" I asked. He made a humming noise as he thought.

"Could we sit on the field or something? At my old school, that's what I used to do. Just you and me?" Odd, I thought, but agreed, for some reason I felt as though I would do anything for this boy.

"Sure no problem. Might have to watch out for footballs though," I said, grinning. "The lower years seem to be always playing some sort of ball game, and for some reason, they always seem

to gravitate towards me." I shook my head. He laughed. We did sit on the field, despite my worries about flying footballs, but we needn't have worried, the footballers left us well alone. Perhaps they knew something was going to happen.
We sat under the big tree at the top of the field, a favourite spot of mine, we sat next to each other of course, he was on my left. The tree offered us some much appreciated shade, and provided some privacy, as it was hard to see people sat under this tree. We ate and talked for a while, just about the general workings of the school, he asked about different people in the form and what they were like. His hippy-like laugh, which occasionally rose from his full lips, sounded like pure sunshine to my ears.

"Have you got a girlfriend?" Alexander asked, mouth full of sandwich. I had just been describing the relationship between Katie and Sam, two people in our form, who had been an item for well over a year. That might not sound like a long time, but to a teenager that was an obscenely long time for a relationship.

"No, I haven't." I replied. I hadn't had a girlfriend for almost two years. People kept asking me out on dates and such, because apparently I was quite good looking, in a geeky way. I, however hadn't even had the remotest of urges towards the girls who were practically throwing themselves at my feet. I was beginning to wonder why.

"Why not?" Damn. He had asked the question, I had hoped I wouldn't have to answer.

"Well, I suppose that I am looking for the right person," I answered truthfully. He nodded in understanding.

"I agree. Do toy think you will know that person when they come around?"

"I suppose so," I said looking at him. "Well, I hope so." He smiled and my heart fluttered. I blushed crimson.

"What?" He asked, obviously my cheeks were very noticeable.

"Erm nothing," I said quickly.

What was going on, why am I blushing every time Alexander smiles? Then it slowly began to dawn on me, that these feelings, the ones for Alexander might actually be more than just the feelings of an initial friendship. But they couldn't be, could they? It was impossible. He was another boy, albeit a beautiful and radiant boy. What do these thoughts mean? I tried desperately to push them aside, so that I could ponder on them further at a later date. I tried to change the subject.

"What about you? Do you have a girlfriend?" Somewhere, deep at the back of my mind, hidden, a small voice was begging and wishing that he didn't have a girlfriend. I mentally told it to be quiet.

"No I don't," He said. The small voice shouted excitedly. "To be brutally honest, I have never had a girlfriend. He sighed.

"Really," I said astonished. "Why not? Gee, If I was a girl I would be all over you in seconds."

"You still could," He whispered.

"What was that?"

"Erm, well I just meant that.....well...erm." He said quickly, the words tumbling out of his mouth. Suddenly a laugh rose unbidden from his small frame. A nervous laugh. It was a laugh that said, "I just messed up big time!" But if I was reading that laugh correctly, what had he gotten wrong? Then I replayed what he had just said again in my mind. He had said it in a way that was almost meant for his ears alone. It had seemed to slip out, as though his brain had hiccuped and out it came. But what could it mean? Oh come on Josh, think. Then, like a tonne of bricks it hit me in the face. My heart jumped with the realisation of what was happening. I drew in a breath.

***

There is the first part of the fourth installment of Alexander, check back soon for the next bit.

Love to all,

Joey..xxxx

Sitting atop a lily pad....

Hi there everyone. Again, it seems to be that it is a huge gap between this post and my last. I don't understand it! Lol. But anyway. Hi guys. :)

Feeling good at the moment, just broke up for half term (that's the beauty of going to a private school, more holidays!), gonna chill out this week and next, lord knows i need it. The last few weeks at school have been manic. The play is going well, got a rehearsal on Thursday, chamber choir is fantabulous as per usual. And I am singing Ombra Mai Fu at the autumn concert. (For those who don't know its part of Handel's Xerxes, and is beautiful. I am also singing the recite before it as well, which is really fun. :D

What else has been happening? Erm, I am the school council representative for my form, and I am on the school chess team. Yeah, so busy bust busy for me at the mo. As well as this I have to fit in all the copious amounts of homework that seems to come my way at the moment. I have just finished a story for my German class, entitled "Fred der Frosch". It is about Fred the frog who gets turned into a prince. My friend Emily and I had great fun working on it together.

Came out to several more people recently. Slowly but surely more and more people know :D

OH! just spent the weekend in Cornwall, with my family, it was lovely. We stayed in a small holiday park just outside ST. Ives, and mooched on the beach all weekend. It was great, the only downside was that we didn't get round to going to the Tate. I was gutted, there was an exhibition on magic and mysticism, which sounded great!! But we did eat lots of Cornish ice cream and fudge and we lunched on Cornish PASTIES!! I must say, that whilst the Cornish accent does nothing for me, their snacks are pretty darn good!! :D

Also, I'm going out Friday night. I'm quite excited. To be honest, sometimes I am bit of social retard :S Normally not of my doing, but the parties and stuff that people go always seem to clash with something that I have already planned, but going out Friday should be good. Lol, maybe I will have to get some people to come with me to the gay bar we have in the city! :D lol, that would be fun!

Before I go, I would just like to ask, have any bloggers been watching the British Talent competition, the X factor??? Well, I suggest that you do, for have any of you seen the 16 year old Welsh boy, Lloyd Daniels? I have to say that I find him rather attractive, (and just between us, he is pretty much the only reason I watch it now!!) Here, see what you think:

Well, I think he is fit!! :D Hehe,

Love you all a lot, Joey xxx

...deep inside the corners of my mind, I'm attached to you.

Good evening.

Its been one of those weeks. I dunno, I just have been feeling a bit crappy lately. I have a bad head cold, which I can't shift, I have tried everything, but I can't get rid of my constant headache and blocked nose. Not good.
One of my Art teachers has really been getting on my nerves recently as well. I dunno why, she is a nice person, but doesn't understand me, and her teaching methods clearly reflect this. She won't let me experiment with different media. But such is life, so we must keep going. I had a bit of a go at her on Monday, she seemed a bit shocked. OOPS. oh well, I saw her today and she was like,

"Mellowed yet?"
"Just about," I said, and she laughed. I don't think that there will be any lasting damage. But it was annoying because she annoyed me and put me in a bad mood for the rest of the day. You know when you are in a bad mood and then everything seems to be against you? Yeah that's what the last few days have been like. I think that I am just being a moody teenager. Although I must say, that I am not really that moody at all, I just feel slightly depressed that's all. But I will soldier on, and get through it!

However, it is not all doom and gloom, I am going to London on Saturday. The rest of my subjects, that I'm taking this year are going really well, I am especially enjoying Philosophy. Toady we were looking at Hume's criticisms of William Paley's Teleological argument. It was brilliant. In latin we are translating Book VIII of Ovid's Metamorphoses, well the first 400 lines at least. And we read the Town and the Country mouse, the original poem by Horace. Really interesting stuff. German is ticking along nicely, bit by little bit.

School in general is actually really good, I like being a Sixth Former, I feel as though I have some power, certainly as a school prefect!

But, to come back to my earlier point. I really want a boyfriend! I know I have been saying that for months, but it hasn't changed. My bestest friend has got a new girlfriend recently, and I must say that I am really jealous of her. The way he looks at her, I wish he looked at me like that. I know he never would, but I still dream.
There is a rather yummy new boy this year, he has one of the nicest bottoms I have ever seen. He seems really superficial, and apparently is quite rude. But he really is HOT. He plays rugby and when I am waiting to be picked up after school, I sometimes see them train, and he always wears one of those skin tight skin things, that keep you warm, but unlike the others he doesn't have a rugby shirt over the top, so you can see the contours of his torso perfectly. He is dreamy. Hehe, I caught myself staring and I distinctly remember thinking:
"Come on! Get a Grip! Like he is going to be gay!"
I know that he could be, but I have almost given up on ever finding someone. Maybe one day someone will come along. But at the moment I do feel quite alone. My family of course are always there, but it is a different sort of loneliness, it is a companionship that I long for. I could, and I know for a fact that I could, go out tomorrow and pick up at least 5 girls. There are several who have fancied me for ages. But obviously I don't want them, not because they are unattractive, but because I need a boy to cuddle!!!! I know I probably sound like I am moaning about trivial things, but I dunno, they seem to be the things that are getting to me at the moment. Especially this thing about not having someone. I have tried to tell about 5 different people, that I am gay, but I just cant say it. Again my voice gets stuck and then the opportunity seems to pass. Maybe if I did come out, I would stand a better chance of finding someone. Ugh. I don't know what I should do anymore. Again, I want to tell people but I cant physically do it. Why am I such a pussy??

Anyway, recently I have been listening to Ryan Cabrera, a brilliant musician, and the song that I find most poignant at the moment is TRUE, the lyrics sum up my feelings at the moment:

I won't talk

I won't breathe

I won't move til you finally see

that you belong with me

you might think

that I don't look

but deep inside the corners of my mind

I'm attached to you

I'm weak

It's true

'cuz I'm afraid to know the answer

do you want me too?

'cuz my heart keeps falling faster

I've waited all my life to cross this line

to the only thing that's true

so I will not hide

It's time to try

all my life I've waited

this is true.

You don't know

what you do

every time you walk into the room

I'm afraid to move

I'm weak

It's true

I'm just scared to know the ending

do you see me too?

do you even know you met me?

I've waited all my life.....this is true.

So yeah. That about sums up my feelings at the moment. Bit here and there. But that's how I feel.

Much love,

A very sleepy and emotionally tired Joey xx

Short but Sweet....

Heyloo everyone.

Currently sitting up in bed. Haven't posted for ages. Really sorry about that, back to school has been crazy and I have sooo much work its unbelievable.

But, I thought I would just say, that I am not ignoring all of you, I just haven't got round to blogging or replying to my emails.

Anyway, just a quick thing. There is this new boy at my school this year, he is yummy yummy yummy. I hope I can talk to him and stuff. He is called Ben. He seems lovely.

Anyway. I'm off to bed, i need some sleep desperately (I was woken up at 6am this morning by my dog barking and couldn't get back to sleep. UGH)...

Right. Night.

Lots of love,

J xx

ps.....

Agnosticism and Cynicism, an explanation into my Beliefs

Good morning everyone. It's just past 9 o'clock here, on a cloudy Sunday morning. I'm sitting at my dining room table, listening to some music, and I have been watching the old grannies and grandads, walking to the small church that's near my house. So, I thought I would talk about religion for a while.

Firstly, my father and my step-mother are completely 100% theist, (Christian orientated!), and when I was younger, they took me to their church every Sunday, which was an Evangelical church. It was very "happy-clappy", with lots of "Hallelujah!!" and "Praise Jesus!!" and all the rest of it. That didn't really gel with me. Yes, the music is very good music. -- I particularly liked the guitar parts, which were a mix of soft rock and folk.

However, I have been baptised and confirmed a Christian, but in the last few years, as I have learned more of the theoretical side of the major religions, I have come to the conclusion that maybe traditional Christianity does not answer all my questions, and neither does any other single organised religion.

I think that because my father and step-mother threw me in the deep end of organised religion so to speak, as they "found God", I sort of have a bit of a bad experience as I think that I just wasn't ready to live the life that the Pastor preached and that pressure has darkened my view of Christianity somewhat. I've established that this is the root of my cynicism. I certainly look down my nose sometimes at religion, and sometimes it is simply a cold academic subject for me. But that is too harsh. I do believe in something!

I find that all the major religions have elements within them, that I agree with, the morals of Christianity and Buddhism particularly. But then some of Judaism makes sense to me too. Therefore I must declare that whilst I believe in something, nothing within any religion I have come across has answered everything and therefore I cannot call myself a theist, as I cannot say that I intrinsically believe in a singe god. Well, that rules out any monotheist based religions -- Christianity, Judaism, Islam. But similarly I cannot comprehend the Hindu faith with its hundreds of Gods, a Polytheist religion.

But at the same time, I don't believe that there is simply a void, a nothingness within the celestial planes. Therefore I cannot call myself an atheist, as I do believe in something. If I cannot call myself either a Theist or an Atheist then I must be an agnostic.

(quick little note -- The "a" prefix before a word, making it negative, is of Greek origin. Where an alpha was used as a negative. Therefore Agnosticism, is simply a-gnosticism, and gnosticism derives from the Greek verb gignosko meaning to know, realise or understand. So Agnosticism is simply un-knowing or un-understanding.)

Now, we have established, that I am in fact an Agnostic. I would like to define what sort of agnostic I am. Through research I have established that I am an Apathetic, or Pragmatic Agnostic. This is because as I said, the religions I have studied have not answered my questions, and like many before me, my questions focus on the bad things in the world. Suffering, how can a God allow these things to happen. The arguments, arguing either to prove an existence of God or disprove it, seem to focus around this point. Suffering.

Holocaust theology has shown me many arguments for disproving the existence of God, but it is has also thrown up some theories that seem entirely plausible, such as free will. I won't go into to too much detail, if you wish to read further, here is a link:

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Holocaust_theology

In conclusion, the beliefs that I hold, cannot be categorised into a single faith. I suppose in a way my mind holds a strange amalgamation of beliefs. So, maybe I will have to post a post that tries to explains what I am trying to explain here!!

I really hope that some of this made sense....I am trying to put into words, something that I believe in, I find it difficult to express all that I want to express without writing thousands and thousands of words. If you have any questions, I shall answer them, but basically this entire post was to establish that I am not really sure what is out there, but if we are indeed modelled on it, then its temperament will probably not be the all loving God of Christianity, but its moods will be like that of the sea, ever changing sometimes calm, yet sometimes vicious and treacherous.

So. Yeah.

Joey xx

Results, Pizza and A Big Smile

Well hello my lovlies! :)

Today has been a fabulous day. It was the dreaded GCSE results day, and I'm sure if you have ever had to wait for really important exam results, you can appreciate how nervous I was. The pressure to succeed and the fear of failure meant that I hardly ate or slept yesterday. I went to bed around 1am, and was awake at 6. So I must say, that I do feel quite tired actually.

But my results were amazing :) I am so proud. I got, as I know you are all bursting to find out:

3 A*s

7 A s

and 2 B s.

I am very happy. The B's were in ICT -- who needs ICT anyway? I can use the Internet, as is evident by my blog, I can type and I can create a spreadsheet. What more can they possibly teach me? So I really didn't care for that subject, so I did no revision at all. I think a B is very acceptable.-- The other was for English Lit, which I bumped up from a C to a B, by resisting a module, which I got an A in. So, overall I wasn't fussed.

But it was my A's in both Latin and Classical Greek, that had me jumping up and down. I worked my stripey little socks off for both of those exams spending hours in revision sessions both in school and at home. I think I put more work in for those than in all my other subjects put together.

My A*'s were in Art and Design (I was expecting that), Religious Studies (no surprise, I came top of the year in the mock examination) and English Language (which I must say was a bit of a surprise, but I suppose my blog is testament to the fact that I can write!!).

So, overall I am an extremely happy chappy.

My lovely family took me out for a celebratory meal, and unbeknown to me had had balloons and banners and a cake prepared. It was absolutely brilliant. We had such fun. I felt really important, which is a real change, as the younger children tend to have all the attention. So, YAY!!

Erm, the only real reason for this post, was to tell you all about my results and stuff. Oh! and I got in to my sixth form, :) Which is such a relief off my shoulders. So, that's about it for now.

Love you all,

Joey xxx

I want to melt every time I look in those deep, dark eyes...

SO YUMMY

BRACESSS!!!! CUTE :):):)

I love this pout :)

NICE tummy

I decided that I haven't really posted any pictures for a while. I was just browsing my pictures, and came across a little secret folder I made a few months ago. It was hiding amongst some pictures of Van Gogh, i have on my PC. Well here are some of them that I found.

I like them.

(This post is very centered!) Interesting.

Love

You

All

x

50 Gay Things About Me You Didn't Know.......Until NOW!!!!

Haha, well a small project I have been working on this week. Thought you might like a bit more of an insight into my mind as a 16 year old poof! I say that with pride! Here are 50 things about me, my straight friends would probably not say that apply to them. Wonder what they would say, as being "camp", if still frowned upon. Not that I am really camp. Actually despite these things, that you will read momentarily I am one of the least camp people you will probably ever meet. I suppose that's how I have been able to hide my true sexuality. So enjoy.

1. I LOVE BOYS!!!1 <-- The most important fact about me I think. (hence why it is number 1!!)

2. I love Musicals

3. I HATE contact sports, but love the showers after

4. I fuss over my hair WAYYY too much

5. I have 3 different brands of moisturiser on my bedside table

6. I love clothes shopping

7. My favourite colour is purple

8. When I was little I once had the the choice of either a baby doll or a toy truck...I'll let you guess which one I
chose!

9. My wallpaper on my PC is Jesse Mccartney (**Actually I've changed it since, I started this post, its now Skandar Keynes =] )

10. I have been known to use the phrase "Fabulous!!"..but only once or twice, and thankfully everyone thought it was a joke.....it wasn't

11. My favourite film is Billy Elliot

12. I love dancing, and used to do ballet :)

13. I have to go to a "stylist" to get my hair cut, a simple men's barber just won't do for me.

14. I HATE football

15. Chavs scare the shit out of me. (I really have an element of the posh snob about me....hehe, I think it is my best feature!! =P )

16. I way more comfortable around girls....I feel as though I can be myself

17. I have a poster of Billy Elliot the Musical on my Wall. (Seen it 3 times!!)

18. I have over 20 pairs of shoes

19. I own 3 Kylie CD's....but what 16 year old boy doesn't?

20. I own a "man-bag", but I prefer to think of it as a satchel

21. When I was little I wanted to be a ballet dancer (not sure if my parents knew....?!?)

22. I despise tracksuits, and will only wear one for sport and then only if I have too.

23. I check my hair in shop windows, I can't help it, it HAS to be done. I think I have a touch of OCD....??

24. My ideal birthday present is tickets to a London West End Show.

25. I always have a bracelet of some kind on. I have 3 friendship bracelets on my left hand, and 2 on my right. The ones on my right are pink and green. On my left, patterned.

26. I have "It's raining men" on my Ipod.

27. My mum told me that she once found me trying on her makeup (I was 5 ok!?!?)

28. I am scared of wasps.

29. I love baking!! :)

30. I am real extrovert.

31. Haha, the only reason that I auditioned for my first school play, (and I got the part!), was because the boy I had a massive crush on "Him" -- If you were wondering who -- was auditioning too.

32. My favourite flower is the rose

33. I am A HOPELESS ROMANTIC

34. I don't really like violence.

35. I value women's opinions (something my straight friends certainly don't seem to do!)

36. I hate it when the guys I know talk about football for AGES. Its soooooo boring

37. I know how to do the YMCA, The Mackerena, Time Warp and Thriller really well!! :)

38. I I am really really chatty. I could gossip for hours.

39. I love watching sad romantic films.

40. I always prefer to buy branded things....they make me feel wealthy! :)

41. The other day one of my friends said, "I could shag that Megan Fox!!", and I said "Who?"

42. If my mum has any of those trashy celeb magazines, I am compelled to read them. Whilst I will never buy one, if they are there, it would be rude not to read them surely??!

43. I love expensive clothes

44. I have been known to plan my outfits weeks in advance -- Granted it was for a party!!.

45. My outfits have to colour-coordinate as well, even down to boxers and socks.

46. I once got caught "peeking" at one of my friends in the changing rooms. -- I quickly made something up about I couldn't find my shoe or something. Thankfully they did not pursue the matter further.

47. I love Hilary Duff as an Actress. I have ALL her films. Oh and all her CD (God I need a life!!)

48. I like sunbathing

49. I love classical music - especially Italian Opera.

50. Like girls, I am way too good at keeping secrets.

There you go. Hope you enjoyed this insight.

Love you all,
Joey xxxx

Hair and Shopping

At the moment, I am sitting at my dining room table, listening to You Me At Six, and singing very loudly.


I dunno what to talk about, but I just wanted to post. SO. Whats new?? Erm, well, I bought some clothes yesterday! Woopeee non? I bought a pair of purple shoes from Topshop...erm a Blue duffel coat and a pair of stripey shorts. I had some money left from my travels in France, so I thought "why not?". I love shopping. There is something supremely satisfying about going into a shop, finding something you like, trying it on, seeing that it looks Great and then buying it. The woman on the till asked me if I was 18 as well! Which was quite good really. So apparently I look 18! Haha, that is probably due to my new hair! Yup, Finally got round to getting the CHOP!

I shall try to describe to you lovely people what my hair now looks like.

Let us use some diagrammatic examples


Joey's Hair BEFORE:

I love having long hair. It makes me stand out from the crowd (certainly at my school). But I have to admit that it was getting a weee bit CRAZY.


AND Joey's Hair now......

I think it looks much better! It actually DOES look like this, so I am a happy bunny. My grandma says I look like a "Handsome Boy". As long as I have the approval of my Grandma, I am pleased. hehe. It is shorter, but suits me more I think...and it will grow! :) :)

Well, tis it for now I think.

Love you all,

J xxx

ps. These pictures are not of me...but the hair styles are as close as I can find to mine :)

The Most Personal One Yet!!!

Well, I find myself at the moment up at 1:23 am, and I can't sleep. I am probably WAYYY too tired, but mehh. I want to BLOGGG.

I am trying to find something to write about. I know, my favourite topic: ME!

What can I tell you that you don't already know?

Hmmm, lets seee some basics again:

Height - 5'11
Weight - 10st
Six pack - a little
Eye colour - bluey grey
Tan - YES
Hair - floppy, swept to the side and light brown

Things You Might Want To Know

Size (You know what I mean) - 6.5
How Often - every other day
Favourite Place To - in the shower
Weirdest Place I Have - in the cinema (hehe, I am naughty!!)
Hair Colour - dark brown
Trimmed? - Yes
Fetishes (sort of) - tummies and hands


Hehe, that's the most information I have given so far. I suppose if you want more, you just have to ask!! ;)

Hehe!!!

Love

J xx

The boy of my dreams...shame he was French!!

Well, I can't neglect my duty in telling you about the French Boy who made my holiday! He was, on looks alone one of the most perfect boys I have ever seen. I can't believe that I will probably never see him again. I may come down to the same part of France, but our paths will probably not cross again.

**sigh**

He was our waiter in one of the restaurants we ate in. He must have been around 16, maybe 17. Tallish, and very slim although I think he had a "swimmers" body, slim and toned. That's what I imagine anyway! :)

But MY GOD!!!

It was not the food I was drooling over, but him! I think I ordered pasta, and it tasted all the better as it was brought by him. Here was a feast not for my stomach but for my eyes! So, he was tall and trim and had dark hair. Cut fairly short, although not overly. And (in my opinion as all great hair does) it flopped gently over his forehead, in the cutest way, to the left I think it was. He had the most livid green eyes. Emerald eyes. They complemented his tanned complexion and dark hair perfectly. And those eyelashes! They looked as though they belonged on the pages of vogue, not on a French teenage boy!

Ahh! Just thinking about him, makes me go weak at the knees (good thing I'm in bed!). The fact that he was our waiter meant that I talked to him, albeit briefly and in very limited French. But I smiled at him at lot and he returned it. I asked him how he was when I first saw him. Very good he replied, in a baritone voice that sounded silky smooth!

And his smile! WOWZA! It was incredible, pearly whites enveloped in luscious red lips, that I longed to be able to kiss. His whole face lit up with that smile and he was just beautiful.

But the best thing that happened with regard to this beautiful boy, was that every time he took a plate or a glass from the people sitting on the opposite side of the table (as we were next to a wall), he had to reach over me, and I was in HEAVEN! I could smell his aftershave he was that close!

As he picked up one glass, he looked right at me and smiled. I could have melted right on the spot, there and then and been happy. Then he bustled off, glass in hand and left me staring after him like some love sick puppy!!

The final incident, was completely accidental. He was walking past me and I was talking about something and waved my arms in some over-exaggerated gesture and I lightly bashed his bum with my hand! OOPSS!! I apologised at once, although inside I was going:

YAYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I had lots of time to check him out all over, and I have dreamed about what lay under that slim fitting black t-shirt. I can only imagine!

Who, knows maybe our paths will cross one day, it is very unlikely but who knows. I hope they do, because he really was the perfect boy for me!

Well, there you have it.

Love

Joey xxxx

My Holiday!!

Well, my little Cherubs! Hello, Bonjour, Salut and all the rest of them. Long time no write on my part.

Well, it wasn't all my fault. I didn't quite realise which part of France we were coming to, and it turned out to be a very southern part of France, down by Avignon. Where we stayed, a small village just outside Nimes, there was no Internet connection at all. To get one would have meant going into Avignon or Nimes, and possibly using the library or something. And as my family still don't know, I didn't think telling them I wanted to blog about all the cute French Boys was a good idea. So unfortunately I wasn't able to blog, for the whole period, but I wrote a few posts and did some bits and bobs, which I can now post all at once and you get lots of things. How lovely for you!!! :)

Well, then! What a holiday I had, it was quite Lovely! The weather on average was above 30'c everyday, which was perfect for lounging about by the pool, with a good book soaking up some much needed rays and chilling out. With all the shit that has been going down recently in my family, some chillaxing time was very much appreciated.

I have a tan!! Hahahahaaaa!!!! Wohhoooooo.
The reason I am so excited is that I never get a tan normally. When I go on holiday, normally one of two things happens, and they are thus:

1] I come back looking just as pasty as I did when we left Britain, I think that is because I am conscious of getting burnt (see reason 2), so I slather myself in sun cream and then don't tan because I am too well protected. Ugh

2] I BURN!!!! I don't know why I am so susceptible to burning. But I am and when I burn, I really burn. It is nasty. Granted it does go brown once I have peeled, which tends to be about 2 weeks after I get back, most inconvenient. And looking like a tomato in front of all my friends is not an appealing thought.

But I TANNED. Haha, so happy bunny am I.

We stayed, as I said in a small village just outside Nimes. It was a nice little town and there was Plenty of Cotes de Rhone wine, which I have a newly found liking for. I don't know if it is a good thing or a bad thing that I now like wine. It may lead down the twisty turny route to alcoholism! Hehe, oh well, I suppose I can now call myself a real teenager (by today's standards at least), as we are compelled to drink some form of Alcohol. :)

So, the town had several lovely little restaurants which we ate in, and we went to loads of different restaurants around and about the region. I certainly ate some new and interesting things. Some of the weirder were:
Taureau - Bull
Calmar- Squid (which was really nice, not rubbery as one might think)
Oh and not weird but UBER tasty - Creme Brulee, which I had no less than 5 times at different restaurants during our stay. The best one came out still on FIREEEEEEEE!! Exciting stuff, although I must say that the waitress looked slightly scared that she would set something else on fire. Funny though, and very tasty.
The weirdest thing? Caviar of Aubergine, served on French toast, it looked like a pile of shit, but tasted unusually nice. I think I must be a bit mad to like it, but hey ho!

We went to the beach on several occasions. I am such a beach person! I love lounging on the sand watching the world go by, and swimming in the sea is so much better than a pool, although having our own pool was mighty fine! We checked out the local stuff as well, and sea-side towns do have the best shops in my opinion.

In the evenings we entertained ourselves with games:
Monopoly
Scrabble
Boggle - Legend game
Cards - mainly Gin Rummy, and occasionally Bastard Brag or Cribbage (Which I despise!)

I read 5 boooks as well whilst I was in France and they were:
Oliver Twist - Charles Dickins
Tess Of The d'Urbervilles - Thomas Hardy
Centre Of My World - Andreas Steinhofel (I recommend it to everyone, who likes a sweet gay story!)
The Raw Shark Texts Steven Hall
The Alchemist - Paulo Coelho

Tres Bon!

What else is there to tell you lovely people? I think that is all the general holiday gossip. I will post more detailed accounts of certain incidences that you may enjoy reading about shortly. And yes, I suppose I should tell you about all those YUMMY French boys that I saw all the time.

Well, check back again very soon.

Oh, and if you have any questions...ask!! :)

Love and kisses,

Joey

xxxx

Je voudrais un garçon s'il vous plaît

Bonjour!!

Long time no write. Sorry bout that, had writers block for the past couple of weeks. Can't think of what to post or what to write in general :/ think I am getting over it. I think I just needed to let my brain chill for a while ya know!?

Hi my little chickens! How are we all doing? Things are hit and miss this end, as well as having writers block, I have also been rather ill recently. Been prescribed Phenoxymethylpenicillin (or Penicillin V) what ever that does :) and it tastes foul!! I know that antibiotics are not supposed to taste nice, but surely they could produce a strawberry flavour or something...jeesh! hehe, anywho.

I'm getting ready to go on a holiday for a while as well, for a month in fact. To Sunny France!! So, this may be my last post for AGESSS....I will try to communicate some how, there must be Internet cafes or something. But yeah...so what I am trying to say is sorry bout the length between posts at the moment.

Been reading a lot recently. Haven't had to worry about GCSE's or moving house. I have been drawn to Iain M Banks at the moment. His style I find to be very flowing and I like the way that his work manages to incorporate more philosophical questions into it. Also, there are certainly element of astrophysics in his work. There are subtle hints about antimatter and, I may be reading too much into it, but I am sure that there was a couple of references to the intriguing phenomenon of dark energy. Exciting no?! :P
His novels are really exciting, so I thought I would share that with you all :)

I am getting ready for this trip and I had to sort out all my clothes. It was a nightmare. I couldn't remember what house they were all at. It took me ages to get it all together. (bit random that bit of info really)

Who knows, I may be able to bag myself a nice yummy french boy! Who knows, I will have to work on my French:

Voulez-Vous coucher avec moi ce soir??

You know, all the useful day-to-day phrases that any 16 year old boy may need to know! French boys are nice though. I do like the accent, although unless I find an bilingual Frenchy there may be a lot of gesturing and hand actions! hehe.

Anyway I think I better stop before I get too carried away with my fantasies!

Avec toute mon affection,

J xxxx

Oliver Twist

Well I wanted to give you all an update on what happened on Friday.

It was a lovely day. We went to the cinema and saw the new Transformers film, which I have to say, I enjoyed immensely. We shared a coke and had Maltesers which was nice. It was really good just spending time with him. I tried so many times to slip my hand into his, but I couldn't bring my self to do it, I couldn't. I don't know what stopped me.

I suppose it was fear. I was scared at what he was going to say. I didn't know whether or not he would just completely reject me as both a friend and something more. Again I tried to tell him, but my mouth caught in my throat and I would instead say something stupid like:

"Film's good," or "Malteser?"

It wasn't good, I felt as though I would never tell him or I would be forever trying to tell him. But whilst I was sitting there, next to him, in the crowded theatre I decided that when we went back to mine, and had some food I would tell him there, as I did not have to fear people over hearing and I could take my time. Also, I was enjoying the film, and I didn't really want to miss any of it :P

So, once the film had concluded and we had got back to mine, and I had showed him around and the like, we went to watch some television in my room. We put on some trashy comedy show and just chatted for a bit. I remember my heart pounding so hard in my chest that I thought Oliver would hear! I didn't quite know what to say. I pondered and thought about different ways of saying it. What would be the right way that didn't sound too cheesy or corny. I decided that I would be blunt, I felt that it would be the best way and I thought it would be easier than dropping it into a conversation where it might not be possible to soften the blow.

So I thought "fuck it", and this is what followed.

(Might just add that I have never been so scared in my ENTIRE LIFE!!!)

"Oliver, can I tell you something?"

"Sure mate," he replied

"...I'm gay."

Just like that. I had said it. It just sort of came out, again as it seems with so many things I say at the moment, that it hadn't quite sunk in for me that I had told Oliver, the boy I have a huge crush on, that I am a poooof. :/

It was a real shock for him I think.

"What?" He said, looking dumbfounded (and very cute I concluded, in that confused state)

"I'm gay." I repeated.

Then he was quiet, for what seemed like FOREVER. I think his mind must have been whizzing about a bit. After a while, he asked, quite calmly,
"Who else knows", and I told him who did, and he just nodded his head.
It was quite awkward, because I, even though I was really pleased that I had told him, was worried that he still could throw it back in my face.

But he seemed to take it quite well I thought. He did say that he had absolutely no idea, that was what surprised me most about his reaction. All those things where I thought he was flirting with me, the hugging and the little smiles, all are just demonstrations of friendship and I have concluded that Oliver is very much an affectionate person, with everyone, and I think that I was just hoping that he would be gay also, and I wanted it to be like something out of a romantic film.

But hey ho

There you go

Life isn't a fairy tale (no pun intended :D ). But he accepts me and he says that he won't tell anyone and our friendship will not change just because I am gay. Which I think is really really REALLY good, and such a huge relief that makes me smile when I think about it.

I am seeing him on Tuesday, and we are meeting up again soon hopefully.

I feel much better about everything now, myself as a person as someone whose opinion I value accepts me and doesn't hold anything against me for it and I don't have to lie to him anymore which is really relieving feeling I must say.

Well, on the whole it went well :D

It is a shame that he is not "that way inclined", but we can win them all.

Love and kisses,

J xxx

Compositional Abstraction

Hello everyone! Sorry for the break, it has just been really hard to find time to post recently. But as I had my last exam today I have more time on my hands to post once more!!! :):):)

Well, first of all some updates:

We move into the new house in 7 days! How very exciting, we got it all and we are in the process of sorting bits and unpacking before me and my mummy ;) will be moving in.

I am meeting Oliver on Friday, and we are going to see a film together then he is coming back to mine for some dinner or something!! I am extremely excited, although I must confess slightly nervous. I still haven't come out to him or anything yet, and I still don't know for definite if he is gay, but maybe Friday will hold some surprises?!?! I certainly hope so. I will let you all know how it goes :)
I almost let it slip out accidentally the other day, when talking to him on Facebook. He said something and I said in reply, "Don't worry, I think your lovely!". Why did I say that?! I had written it before I even realised what I had written. I didn't know what to say after it...I was pooing myself. I thought he was going to be angry. But he sent a smiley face back and said thanks. So I don't quite know what to make of that. I couldn't tell if he was just being polite or was genuinely flattered. :/

I guess Friday will hold all the answers.

Hmm...that's about all folks for now.. :)

Lots of loovvveee,

J xxx

The Universality Of Emotion

Hmm...what to talk about tonight? Well, first off:

I got sunburned!!!

It has been a rather lovely few days in sunny old Britain, and I can actually say that minus the usual sarcasm that accompanies that statement.

I hugged Oliver today :-] He felt all warm and soft, it was a good moment.

I also spoke to "Him" today for a while as well. Just talked, nothing more, it was nice. :)I miss spending time with him; he is a really lovely person as well as being extremely attractive.

So a good day on the whole, despite my throbbing sunburn. I did put sun lotion on, but as the old saying goes:

Only mad dogs and Englishmen,

Go out in the midday sun

And I am an ENGLISHMAN

Shall I indulge you all in a few more facts about me, a few of my favourite things? Go on then, I hear you cry :

1. My favourite cheese is Port Salut

2. My favourite curry is a lamb balti madras

3. My favourite crisps are Roast Beef flavoured monster munch

4. My favourite poet is John Keats

5. My favourite flavour of ice cream is pistachio or caramel

6. Little more obscure: My favourite psalm is psalm 9, why? I dunno :)

7. My favourite photographer is Steve McCurry

8. My favourite artists are: Peter Doig, Alberto Giacometti, Mark Rothko and Vasily Kandisnky

9. My favourite sci-fi authors are: Orson Scott Card and James Clemens

10. My favourite classic writers are: Dickens or Homer or Thomas Hughes

11. My favourite Disney character is Dodger in Oliver and Company

12. My favourite film is one called "Beautiful Thing", it is the cutest film ever

13. My favourite piece of choral music is Rutters - Magnificat - Gloria Patri :)

14. My favourite composer is Chopin

15. My favourite shop is Borders

16. My favourite animal is the CAT!! :-]

17. My favourite car is the MINI

18. My favourite chocolate is either Galaxy or Maltesers

19. My favourite aftershave is Paul Smith - Story

20. Dunno if I have said this before but my favourite number is the number 3 :-]

---

So, that's 20 things that I like. I wonder if any of you like the same things?

There has been a thought that has plagued on my mind over the past couple of days. I want to be with someone...to hold them...kiss them. Alas.

On the positive, we think that we have found the new house and we should be able to get it in the next 2 weeks!! So that is quite exciting

Well, a bit of a disjointed post this evening.

Love,

J xxx

Its not all chocolate and caviar

Well. It was one of those days!

I think, first I will give you some background information. You may remember that I said that my parents were divorced. Well, they each have a new partner. My dad married a nice woman although she really bugs me sometimes. They have been married for about 8 years I think, they have had two girls, aged 4 and the little one, who is about 16 months old.

My mum has been with an Indian man for 10 years and they have also had two children, a boy and a girl. The boy, my brother is 9 years old and my sister is almost 7.

Anyway.

Whilst my father and my stepmother have a good relationship, the same cannot be said for my mum and her partner. They argue all the time, normally it gets very heated, although it has never resorted to violence at least not while I've been there. :-/

Recently they have been arguing more and more and my mums partner has threatened to kick her out on several occasions. This always ends in tears, normally hers. I get left to pick up the pieces, not fun! So, it has finally reached the point where my mum is actually leaving. We have seen some houses, and one looks good. Fingers crossed we can get it. I worry that it will fall through though. :-(

The next few weeks will be tough for sure. The move, adjusting and the money. We are not that wealthy and we are really going to struggle to be able to afford the house. My mum hasn't got any family living near us. The closest relative is in Wales. They are the only people on my mums side that we talk to. She has other brothers and sisters although I have never met them, and mum hasn't spoken to them for almost 25 years. So no help there :/

My dad said that he will help, even though they are divorced they are still friends. So that is a positive.

I'm just worried, I feel as though something will go wrong and we will be back to square one again.

Also, my mum drinks. She always has done. My biggest fear is that she will drink herself to an early grave or if she gets depressed (which she has done in the past) that she could...you know... well doesn't bare thinking about really.

So, yesterday. That is what I wanted to talk about. Sorry for the long winded, quite depressing story. I probably put more than you wanted to know. Sorry bout that. I just need to get some things of my chest. Perhaps if I write about them, then the answer may become clearer. Who knows?

Well, she was pretty distraught last night. Cried for ages. Said some things that I won't repeat but it was a tough night. She started packing her bags. It was not pleasant. I convinced her to listen to her partners suggestion. I get on well enough with him, despite the fact that he is an absolute nob. He was prepared to compromise, she was too upset to reason clearly, so I had to coax her out of her state to listen to what he had to say. In the end they seemed to agree on what to do. It is a good compromise. Hopefully things will begin to improve.


Well. Sorry for that everyone. I didn't mean to ramble on about my problems.

I will try to post some happier things.


Love,
J xx